Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
