That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
