the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
