Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
