Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
