Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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