D3 body, D1 cock
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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