hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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