You're my little dorito
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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