I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
