one might say we're banned from that church
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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