Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
