Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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