Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
