i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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