4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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