I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You are the jesus of drinking
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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