Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
