he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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