she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize