My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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