so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
