this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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