speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Swine flu is the new snow day.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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