Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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