I cannot find my penis.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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