and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
