I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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