I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
