we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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