Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
