Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
