I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
