she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
