do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just blew my weed a kiss
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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