sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
