and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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