I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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