i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
