Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
