Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
