i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
