so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't deserve a penis
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
