I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
