I look better un-naked...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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