a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I wish there were birth control emojis
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
