is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
