I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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