On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
