I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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