Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize