Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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