thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
