Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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