we're chasing vodka with high fives
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
