It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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