If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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