drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
MIDGETS
????
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
