I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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