At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
