There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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