I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
