Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
