remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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