Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
