We're like a lot better than the average bears
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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