it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
