I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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