mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
