I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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