Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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