I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
