You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
