So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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