too bad you live with your parents still
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
